Readers of this column may or may not remember that a couple of weeks ago, I had my 10-year-old son watch and review the 1980 horror classic The Shining. The movie had scared me to the point of lifelong trauma when I saw it originally, but when he finally watched it, he just thought it was kind of dumb. Three stars out of five, tops.
Being the excellent and world class father that I am, I could not countenance this affront, so I decided to turn up the heat. I selected 1973’s The Exorcist, another movie that had done a number on me when I originally saw it, and which I believe to this day still packs a punch.
To my great delight, my son agreed! As with The Shining, half of the movie had already been ruined by endless satirical treatment on The Simpsons, but there was still plenty of gross, transgressive material in it to keep him guessing. Huzzah!
With that in mind, please enjoy my 10-year-old son’s review of 1973’s The Exorcist.
TZR: Did you think The Exorcist was more scary than The Shining?
RB: Yeah, definitely. It was really scary but it was awesome.
TZR: What parts of the movie surprised you?
RB: When she turned her head all the way around again and then threw up on that guy again. Oh my.
TZR: What would you do if you met Linda Blair, the actress who played the posessed girl?
RB: I would tell her the power of Christ compels you, and get that demon out of you, I still don’t trust you.
TZR: What was the grossest part of the movie?
RB: Probably when she turned her head around and threw up. I think she threw up when she turned her head around. Any time that she threw up was disgusting.
TZR: What was the funniest part of the movie?
RB: When the devil got out of the little girl. All of the characters had a laugh about it. Ho ho ho. But seriously, that movie was effed up.