I had a friend (well, we still are friends according to Facebook) who dumped me this summer because she snared a boyfriend, and I’m really bummed about it because I miss hanging out with her. It always sucks if a guy dumps me; why is it, in some weird way, worse when a girlfriend does?
Ladies, I know you know what I’m talking about.
This was a real hang tough friend, and the topic was always men. We exchanged our horrible dating stories, complained about the quality of men in our circles, and how much we hated all the bullshit involved with our online dating experiences: the lies, unsolicited photos, jerk-off videos of random cocks, and bad sex. We would spend hours scrolling through Tinder, making fun of the horrid profile photos.
We nearly died laughing trying to figure out why Match would think that I’d be interested in a 65-year-old retired firefighter on Staten Island. Particularly one who smoked cigars, owned 3 bulldogs, and had only one profile photo with him standing next to a young girl in a bikini.
Anyway, when I was on Facebook a few weeks ago, I saw that my sort-of-friend RSVP’d an event that I was interested in. It was the first time I’d thought about her in months. Over the summer, she seemed to have hit the find-a-guy jackpot. She met her man through a Meet Up group, she seemed very happy, and I was happy for her (except for the disappearing part, which was about to happen). The last time we had a glass of wine together, she was trying to help me figure out a situation I was in – I was seeing a guy, I really liked him, but whatever we had between us involved too much gray area and I was frustrated. She told me to forget about him and get back on the dating merry-go-round, but I was not interested in doing that shit again. I hate it. Even so, she talked me into going on Tinder. I did it to humor her and played along for the last half-hour we were in the bar, and then deleted it because it was ridiculous. And that was, in hindsight, when we went from being real friends to Facebook friends.
When I saw that RSVP, I scrolled back through my messages and can clearly see we haven’t communicated since early June. I had invited her to one of my gigs, but she never responded. I’ve seen some of her gigs announced on Facebook via other friends, but I couldn’t make them. Sure, we were doing different things, but we were still friends, right? Why ignore me? Since I was the last person to try and make contact, I feel like she should contact me…am I wrong about that?
Of course, I’ve lost girlfriends to marriages and kids, co-dependent relationships, or moves to far-away places, but this particular disappearance really stinks. I’m sure she has time to hang out, but simply chooses not to because she has a boyfriend. That bums me out because we used to have fun. I thought we were close friends. I’ve never dumped a girlfriend whenever I was dating or had a boyfriend, I’m capable of giving both parties the attention they need.
I would have liked her counsel during the months since June. I’ve had a few revelations and am consequently back to not seeing anyone. Thankfully my life is full and I’m very busy doing things I really love. But I do want a boyfriend too. I’d like to hang out and exchange stories with her, even if it’s just to talk about our respective men.
I know how to handle it when a guy dumps me. I don’t like it, but I can deal. I’ve never gotten a handle on what to do when a girlfriend goes AWOL. Probably because losing a close friend hurts so much worse than when a guy goes rogue. Probably because I expect more from my girlfriends than I do from men.
I think I just answered my own question.