Readers of The Z Review constantly hunger for information about the publication’s writers, so forgive me if I repeat myself and inform all of you yet again that last week, I cancelled my cable subscription. Now, instead of subscribing to Spectrum, which used to be Time Warner Cable, the streaming service Hulu is my new provider.

It was a tough decision. When Time Warner changed their name, I could joke that I was “on the Spectrum,” ha ha, and a joke as clever as that one was hard to part with. But in return, I got some channels through Hulu’s live TV option, which has changed up some of what I used to be able to watch, and what I can watch now.

I will have to wait to watch the current season of “Broad City,” as I lost Comedy Central in the deal. But on the plus side, I got back “Judge Judy,” which in my opinion is one of the greatest shows in the history of the broadcast medium, and the reunion has been as joyful and emotional as that which would ensue when a beloved relative comes out of a five-year coma.

If, for some reason, you’re unfamiliar with the show, the format is as follows – a stupid defendant and a stupid plaintiff bring their extremely petty dispute before Judge Judith Sheindlin, even though it’s usually over something like an unpaid $300 phone bill.

She then completely loses her shit and barks at them until she renders a judgment and the stupid people go away. Then this happens all over again with a new defendant and plaintiff. And so on.

If you haven’t seen the show, you may well be wondering how anyone could possibly be entertained or captivated by a show with as a threadbare and repetitive an excuse for a storyline as that which I have described. I can’t say I blame you if you’ve come to this conclusion. However, the show has been on the air for something like 25 years, and she earns an obscene amount of money, simply for doing what I have described above.

So how, you may be wondering, can this be enough to sustain a show?

This is because for me and everyone I know who watches it, it is absolutely invigorating to watch her tear some moron a new asshole, and then watch said moron crawl away on all fours, in tears, blood trickling from said new asshole.

This is glorious because we all have to deal with stupid people every time we go outdoors, and our default reaction to them to scream at them to shut the fuck up and punch them in the face. But while it’s our default reaction, we don’t do it.

We are too timid and too afraid of what the stupid person might do, particularly since there seems to be a correlation between low IQ and the ability to lift cars when angry. So, we just stand there and tolerate the stupid person, then go home and sit with our rage, consoling ourselves with the fact that in exchange for our self-restraint, we didn’t go to the emergency room.

The Honorable Judge Judith Sheindlin is not bound by these constraints. She has bottomless contempt for every person that walks into her courtroom, and she is physically protected by a bailiff, so there is nothing stopping her from dressing down the subject of her hatred with utter impunity.

It is not a fair fight by any means. She has both the force of the law and a superior intellect on her side, while the defendants and plaintiffs have no ability to hit back, either physically or intellectually. This reduces the show to 30 minutes of watching someone punch down, repeatedly, until the pathetic individual is finally allowed to skulk away.

Most of the time, watching someone punch down automatically makes the viewer have sympathy for the punched. “Judge Judy” is different. Watching her borderline-victimize a complete stranger is an exhilarating experience that I would liken to being let loose into a room full of blow jobs, candy and free money, every day for half an hour, twice a day.

I love “Judge Judy” and I will watch every episode of it until the day I die. It’s better than “This Is Us” or “Big Little Lies” or whatever other nonsense you happen to be watching. I give it a 10 out of 10, but only because our rating scale doesn’t go up to 175.

BEST. FUCKING. SHOW. EVER.

10.0 Awesome

I love “Judge Judy” and I will watch every episode of it until the day I die.

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About Author

Daniel Bukszpan is a freelance writer with over 20 years’ experience. He has written for such publications as Fortune, CNBC and The Daily Beast. He is the author of “The Encyclopedia of Heavy Metal,” published in 2003 by Barnes and Noble and “The Encyclopedia of New Wave,” published in 2012 by Sterling Publishing.

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