If you’ve been watching the news recently, you may have noticed that the President of the United States is a barking, raving lunatic who’s highly unstable and has made the world a worse place in a very short period of time. Pardon me if that comes off as editorializing.

Because I try to remain optimistic about things, I try to put out of my mind the idea of being consumed in nuclear fire, as a result of Emperor Shit for Brains getting into a dick-measuring contest with Kim Jong Un. But when you’re in a car that’s being driven by someone unbelievably reckless, and you see a cliff coming up, optimism can be hard to come by.

If we’re all about to meet our judgment and life on earth as we know it is about to be extinguished because Trump was angered by a dank Twitter meme, then there are some things I’d like to get off my chest today,  just so I don’t go to my grave with these thoughts unexpressed. Although, now that I think about it, if there’s a global thermonuclear war, there won’t be any graves anyway!

Without further ado, that I shall set free my previously unexpressed beliefs like a dove, to soar across the sky…

Syd Barrett-era Pink Floyd is garbage. I’m pretty sure no one even likes it, but they claim to in order to distinguish themselves from “Dark Side of the Moon” fans, as a big “get a load of me” gesture. Boy, we are all really impressed down here.

“Grease 2” is a far superior film to the original “Grease.” I saw the original “Grease” when it came out and I hated it, but I’ve willingly watched “Grease 2,” in adulthood, many times, and would do so again. I am a cool rider.

Jazz music does absolutely nothing for me. Some of it is okay as background music in certain situations, but actually sitting there listening to the stuff with no distraction feels like homework to me.

We should have let the South secede. This is not because I support slavery or because I have any bad feelings about the American South. This is because when someone wants to leave, be it a girlfriend or a roommate or an employee, you have to just let them go their merry way, lest they resent you forever. And seeing as how the former Confederate states still threaten to rise up again and re-fight a war that they lost, I’d say my theory is pretty solid.

James Woods was actually a really good actor once. Today, he’s a right wing nut case with an iPhone and a Twitter account, but his work in “Casino” and “Salvador” was particularly noteworthy. Sadly, he got a head injury or something around the time 9/11 happened and lost his fucking mind, and at this point I think there’s no getting him back. “Videodrome” FTW though.

Nirvana was a mediocre, unexceptional band. I had the “privilege” of seeing them perform in 1990, before they got big, and it was the most vanilla and unexceptional thing I’d ever seen in my life. This did not change when they got famous. Oh, and whatever you think of Courtney Love, she didn’t kill Kurt Cobain. Is it seriously that hard to believe that a miserable junkie shot himself?

I don’t give a shit what happens between Israel and Palestine. I really don’t. My strong suspicion is that both parties just want to keep fighting forever, and there’s no reason that the United States (or any other country, for that matter) should insert themselves into that bullshit, despite our nation’s well-established love of perpetual war in the Middle East. Honestly, they’re fighting over land that would be best served by pouring cement over the entire thing and turning it into a Wal-Mart.

Ted Nugent’s first six solo albums are excellent. “Double Live Gonzo” is great too, as well as all of his stuff with the Amboy Dukes. Yes, I am aware that he is a douchebag today. Please see my James Woods entry above if any of this is unclear.

Daniel Craig is the best Bond, followed by Roger Moore. Yes, I know this is pure sacrilege and we are all required by law to worship at the altar of Sean Connery. Connery’s movies are all great and I’m not knocking them, but the ones I liked the best and that I really connected with were “The Spy Who Loved Me,” “Moonraker” and “Casino Royale.” Timothy Dalton wasn’t bad either, by the way.

Jon Snow will never get over Ygritte. Not a controversial opinion by any stretch, but still something I’d like to go on the record about before the grid goes down.

About Author

Daniel Bukszpan is a freelance writer with over 20 years' experience. He has written for such publications as Fortune, CNBC and The Daily Beast. He is the author of “The Encyclopedia of Heavy Metal,” published in 2003 by Barnes and Noble and “The Encyclopedia of New Wave,” published in 2012 by Sterling Publishing.

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