My fellow Democrats are very happy this week. Why? Because a grand jury has been impaneled to investigate Russia’s alleged interference in the 2016 election!

This investigation, it is believed, will cause the entire Trump house of cards to collapse on itself, resulting in the president and his entire shitbag family being hauled off to Leavenworth in leg-irons, to live out their remaining days making license plates and getting shivved in exchange for a couple of cigarettes! Huzzah!

Well, as much as I hate to spoil things, I’m here to spoil this. Absolutely nothing is going to happen like what I’ve described above. Furthermore, I fully expect President Trump not to be impeached. I expect him not be charged with any crime or removed from office. In fact, I fully expect him to serve out two full terms.

That’s right, when President Trump leaves office, I expect my 10-year-old son to be a senior in high school. Here’s why.

First of all, the president will be more than happy to throw Donald Jr. to the wolves if it takes any of heat off of him. Furthermore, even if he himself is found to have been involved in some kind of criminal wrongdoing, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives will not bring charges against him. They may not like him, and they may be bothered by his behavior, but if Republicans are good at anything, it’s acting in lockstep to protect their own.

“Aha,” you say. “But after Democrats sweep the midterms and get majorities in both chambers, then we can bring articles of impeachment against him, and who knows? Maybe even remove him from office!”

No. This will not happen. In fact, this is even less likely to happen than a Republican-controlled House of Representatives bringing charges against a president of their own party. This is because Democrats are too divided, and too consumed with petty infighting, to win either chamber back, however narrowly.

We’re more than halfway through 2017, but you would never know it by talking to Democrats. To most of them, it’s April 2016, and the Bernie-Hillary wars are raging night and day. I’m not saying that the wounds are still fresh and emotions are raw. I’m saying they’re still arguing about it as if it’s still going on.

I have seen no evidence to suggest any kind of awareness on the part of Democrats that this shit needs to be put behind us. I have, however, seen plenty of evidence to suggest that Democrats want to argue about the primaries forever, over and over again, interminably, until they die. And if that’s where we are with 14 months to go before the midterms, then you might as well wheel the champagne into Paul Ryan’s office right now.

“But if that happens, there’s still 2020,” I hear you say. “Can’t we vote out an extremely unpopular president and elect a Democrat when that year rolls around?”

Again, no. Because if our shit is not together enough to take back the House or the Senate, you can expect the next two years after that to be a morass of counterproductive bitterness and recriminations, sort of like how things were when George W. Bush was running for re-election.

In case you don’t recall, here’s how that went down.

George W. Bush wasn’t deeply unpopular yet, but his Democratic challenger, John Kerry, had a fighting chance of beating him anyway. Democrats hastily put aside their differences from the primaries for long enough to vote, but it wasn’t enough.

This is because Republicans voted in lockstep then, just as they did last year, and will do again. And as long as your opponent is a political party that behaves like a colony of carpenter ants, you’re not going to beat them if you’re still nursing old resentments.

I expect to catch a lot of shit for writing this, but I don’t care. Someone needs to tell Democrats to grow the fuck up and get their shit together, and since no one else is going to do it, it might as well be me.

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Chief’s note

We here at The Z Review are an opinionated bunch, so of course every once in a while we’re going to have a major disagreement. So, in the spirit of equal time, check out this story written by Editorial Director Olivier Doinel who believes Trump’s days in office are numbered.

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About Author

Daniel Bukszpan is a freelance writer with over 20 years’ experience. He has written for such publications as Fortune, CNBC and The Daily Beast. He is the author of “The Encyclopedia of Heavy Metal,” published in 2003 by Barnes and Noble and “The Encyclopedia of New Wave,” published in 2012 by Sterling Publishing.

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