Donald J. Trump has dedicated his entire life to one singular mandate – promoting Donald J. Trump. He is craven, narcissistic, thin-skinned and galactically stupid. Yes, stupid. Throwing up a few garish buildings and golf courses does not make you a brilliant business man when you were born with a silver spoon wedged up your rectum. With all his wealth and baked-in connections, the man has still had far more failures in his career than successes – the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City, Trump University and countless enterprises from Trump Steaks to Trump Airlines…belly up one and all. It’s just an empirical fact, Trump was, is and always has been uniquely unfit for the presidency. And the truth is – he never really wanted the job in the first place. It all began as a ruse, a publicity stunt to gain leverage with NBC who had recently cancelled ‘The Apprentice’. That’s how it began, anyway. Along the way, something happened – the empowerment of a vast section of drooly mouthed Americans who were even more shit eatingly moronic than the man himself.
Oh yeah, and of course Russia.
Donald has been Russia’s reliable little money launderer and errand boy for decades. From Trump Towers to the Taj Mahal, Russian money and influence has been behind them all. Everything is in the public record – most of it anyway — the rest of it is in his taxes and secret offshore accounts. All of this to say, when Trump started to become seen as a credible candidate, decimating his hapless competitors with his reductionary epithets – little Marco, lyin’ Ted, low energy Jeb, crooked Hillary — the Kremlin took notice…and pounced on the opportunity. What began as a publicity stunt, turned into something far more nefarious – a coordinated assault on our democracy, which in turn, has done irreparable damage to our republic.
That’s the bad news…the good news is – Trump is going away very soon.
Yes, I can call it without reservation…the end is very near for our dear leader. Even amongst his diehards the fissures of discontent have turned to fault lines and a massive earthquake is imminent. A new Quinnipiac poll shows his approval has plummeted to 33 per cent – down from 40 per cent in June. Republicans are leaping like fleas off of his rotting corpse. It appears that finally…finally…it’s starting to sink in with the congenitally confused contingent that their hero is a lunatic buffoon – and an existential threat. Between his craven attempt at taking away their health care and North Korea’s successful missile launches, Trumpists are spooked. All I can say is… caveat emptor, you clueless fuckfaces!
So, how’s it all going to end, you ask? Simple. Donald J. Trump will resign. But before that happens, impeachment charges will be brought against him by congress. Oh, and it’s all going to happen before the year’s end.
Russia – Forget about the election collusion and Donnie Jr.’s missteps, Trump’s past is what will inevitably bring him down. Special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation is now focusing on the President’s personal business dealings with Russia before he won in 2016. It’s all going to be revealed – the money laundering, the profiteering and the pee pee. This is what’s behind Trump’s most recent meltdown over Attorney General Jeff Sessions and what will ultimately cause him to make a move against him. and when that happens, it’s all she wrote. It’ll be the Saturday Night Massacre part deux. Already, there is a bipartisan effort underway to protect the special counsel from Trump. Also, now that the President has grudgingly signed off on the new Russian sanctions – what’s in it for his pals in the Kremlin? Look for leaks from the east – and by leaks, I mean the confirmation of the pee pee tapes!
Republicans have had enough – They’ve reached the Trump tipping point. His unhinged behavior has finally become untenable for the GOP. McCain plunged the silver dagger in his chest over health care, and more and more Republicans are speaking out over his chaotic incompetence. Senator Jeff Flake just released a very well timed tome where he..ahem… flakes on the President, Senator Lindsey Graham has threatened impeachment if any move is made against Sessions, and with 2018 just around the corner Republicans are not going to sit around any longer and let their party get flushed down the crapper.
North Korea – Trump supporters are a fearful lot. They’re afraid of brown people, immigrants, terrorists…they’re petrified of their own goddamned shadow. As much as they love the President’s xenophobic racism, they’re more interested in not becoming vaporized by a nuclear bomb. Now that it’s been reported that the DPRK’s missiles can reach all major US cities, look for them to dive to their bunkers. Even with their limited cognitive capacity, they realize that Trump is way out of his depth and unable to protect their sorry asses from Armageddon.
Donald Trump – He wants out. Sure, it was fun for a while, but ultimately it’s not worth the hassle. He desperately wants to return to his previous life of golf courses, prostitutes, and the unfettered taint lapping of his hordes of sycophantic stooges. He just needs to figure out how to walk away with his core following in his pocket. How will he do it? He’s going to try to pass some harsh immigration stuff, thereby fulfilling his promise to keep out the brown people – then he’ll be on his way. He’ll forever be seen by his most brain-dead fans as a champion for white dumbshit America. He’ll get his new reality show and will be as popular as ever – even more so.
So, there it is…you can say you heard it here first. Over the next few weeks, there will be bigger revelations about Donald Trump and his misconduct as more and more sources make their phone calls to the media. As Mueller digs deeper into his personal business, Trump will move against Sessions…and the congress will them move against him. Rather than go through a lengthy impeachment process, Trump will resign. There will be no revolution about it on the right – other than a few cracker nimrods in places like Wyoming and the Dakotas. It will be a bipartisan effort. Pence will be President, Ryan will be Vice President and life will go on. History, however, will not be kind. The Trump era will always be regarded as a shameful embarrassment – for both the right and the left. Between the Bernie or busters and the dipsydoodle Trumpists, there’s plenty of blame to go around.
Luckily, it will all be over soon.