Kid Rock is running for senate in Michigan. And Eminem’s running for Congress. Wait, what?  The Kid Rock thing isn’t a joke?  Jesus, not again.

Alarmingly, on July 28th, the LA Times (we assume reluctantly) reported, “Early polling shows Rock is dominating the Republican primary field [in Michigan} and is competitive with Stabenow [the female Democrat incumbent]” (July 28, 2017).

According to his website, Kid Rock (a.k.a. Robert James Ritchie) is promoting his senatorial candidacy by selling hats and t-shirts online and at his concerts [smart guy], and allegedly just created a 501 (c) (4) to promote voter registration.  I don’t know if I’m impressed or terrified that Kid Rock, or anyone in his entourage, knows how to do that, much less know what that is.

“When my name was thrown out there for US Senate I decided to launch I was beyond overwhelmed with the response I received from community leaders, D.C. pundits, and blue-collar folks that are just simply tired of the extreme left and right bullshit.” Besides omitting a necessary comma in his first sentence, it seems that Kid went to the now defunct Scaramucci School of Public Speaking. I’d like to know who his supporters are.  Seriously, I just want to know what a demographic I never knew existed looks like.  Think of it as a version of

Mr. Rock insists he’s intent on “Calling out these jackass lawyers who call themselves politicians”, while conveniently ignoring the burning issue of jackass musicians who call themselves politicians. Ah, well.  Self-knowledge is hard won. Candidate Kid goes on to say that the “…democrats are ‘shattin’ in their pantaloons’ right now…and rightfully so!” Shattin’? Pantaloons?  It appears that prior to making known his senatorial aspirations, Kid Rock has been passing the time in an olde western saloon of the bordello variety. Of even more concern than Kid’s colorful turn of phrase and ignorance of basic English grammar,  is that while GenXers like myself are fully aware of Kid Rock’s charms, millennials likely have no clue who this redneck Mr. Deeds is. Don’t worry, kiddies, no need to fear a victory for this classy GOP contender. Mercifully, he has a habit of flaming out and disappearing from the public eye.

If Kid Rock does indeed decide to “throw [his]hat in the ring” (literally or figuratively), does the hair come with it? Although I hate quoting Mr. Duds-Who-Won’t-Go-T- Washington, who can resist his parting salvo: “Game on motherfuckers”?

Game on, indeed. I have no idea who Debbie Stabenow is, but she’s got my vote. Now to go house hunting in Michigan.

About Author

Mary Sarkisian has worked on the Hill, in C-town, Beantown, and LA. She now resides in the thriving metropolis of Lithia, FL with her husband, two perfect teenagers, and two even more perfect huge dogs. She enjoys floating in the pool while sipping many cool libations.

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