At The Z Review, we believe in giving credit where credit is due. This means that if someone does the right thing, we recognize it within the pages of this august publication, not just yell it at each other offline when we’re drunk.
In this particular instance, we would like to recognize the fine work done by Senator Susan Collins of Maine, Senator Shelley Moore Capito of West Virginia and Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska.
If you somehow missed it yesterday, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell responded to the self-inflicted defeat of the chamber’s ObamaCare replacement bill by proposing a “repeal only” bill, with a replacement to follow at some point in the next two years, which we all know is bullshit.
Well, it doesn’t matter whether he meant it or not. The three aforementioned Republican senators said they wouldn’t vote for a repeal-only bill. Good night, nurse.
McConnell has said that he will schedule a vote for next week anyway, so it may be premature to laud the efforts of these fine women. After all, you never know what might get dangled in front of them between today and next week, and it would suck to have to retract all these gloating thinkpieces while the confetti is still freshly fallen in our hair. But if the holdouts keep holding out, then the effort to repeal the Affordable Care Act with no replacement will have been dealt a major kick in the nuts, and by someone in pointy shoes at that.
It’s important to note that we at The Z Review have never been collectively sold on the Affordable Care Act. We can’t understand why our nation can’t get it together to have something like the NHS, as enjoyed by the members of our London bureau. We also see using the force of law to compel people to buy health insurance as a tricky proposition at best. Having said that, it beats what we had before, and simply yanking it away from people would be a petty move that would hurt millions of people.
So, because we grudgingly support the Affordable Care Act, we would like to honor the women of the GOP who put a stop to this idiocy yesterday, before anyone had even had time to get one-third of the way into their three-martini lunches. It is in their honor that we present this playlist, which consists of female musical artists you probably wouldn’t want to tangle with, and who might make you pay in blood for your “repeal only” attempt.
Acid King – “Drive Fast, Take Chances”
Fronted by the mighty Lori Joseph, San Francisco’s Acid King deal out industrial-strength sludge as heavy as anything her male counterparts can deal out. We recognize her not only for the metric tonnage of her music, but for persevering for over 20 years in the stoner/doom metal subculture, which is a total sausage party otherwise.
Lola Beltran – “Paloma Negra”
Lola Beltran was the greatest ranchera singer who ever lived, and one of the most incredible singers of all time. She was also a woman and Mexican, two attributes that give President Fuckface the vapors and send him to the fainting couch. Make his life terrible for trying to get rid of the ACA by blasting this in his ears 24/7.
The Devil’s Blood – “Within the Charnel House of Love”
Fronted by Dutch singer Farida Lemouchi, The Devil’s Blood sadly don’t exist anymore. But they left behind three albums and one EP of dark, sophisticated, occult-tinged music that would send Mike Pence and his wife running from any house playing it.
Eurythmics – Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)
When I was a lad of just 13 years old, I saw the music video for the Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” for the first time. Because I was incredibly sheltered and naïve, their lead singer, Annie Lennox, scared me with her gender-bending ways, what with her business attire and crew cut and all. Grace Jones had that effect on me too. I soon got over it, but it is my sincere wish that the entire male population of the U.S. Senate will fear angering their female colleagues with the same level of anxiety that I once manifested.
Paula Frazer and Tarnation – “To the Ocean”
Like some kind of unholy combination of Anita Carter and a lost Ennio Morricone soundtrack, the music of Paula Frazer and Tarnation is as pure and haunting as it gets. At The Z Review, we are pleased that a law exists allowing Ms. Frazer to purchase health insurance on the open market, rather than excluding her for whatever pre-existing conditions may exist.
Diamanda Galas – “The Thrill Is Gone”
Here’s a fun activity. Round up your music-loving friends who consider themselves too hip and jaded to even acknowledge whatever music happens to be playing. Then, hit them with singer-pianist Diamanda Galas’s 1996 live rendition of the old chestnut, “The Thrill Is Gone.” If they make it past the 1:30 mark, award them some kind of prize, such as a souvenir pencil from your home.
Jex Thoth – “The Places You Walk”
This is one of those deals where I don’t know if “Jex Thoth” is the name of the band or the singer. Whatever the case, this band is fronted by a woman with the most golden of throats, and for bonus points she wears capes onstage and has been known to wield a magic wand, possibly to ward off congressional mansplainers.
Dolly Parton – “Jolene”
We include this song on this list of powerful women for two reasons – 1. This is one of the best songs ever written or recorded by anybody, and 2. It’s Dolly. Everything else is bullshit.
Donna Summer – “Bad Girls”
At The Z Review, we not only acknowledge when someone has done the right thing, but we offer a shame-imbued wag of the finger to anyone who fucks up. The fuckup in question, in this case, was that Senators Collins, Capito and Murkowski fired their shot across the bow of the S.S. Repeal Only without the Donna Summer classic “Bad Girls” blaring over the public address system of the congressional chamber. Maybe they can remember to do that the next time McConnell tries to re-animate the bill’s corpse and set it loose in the Maryland countryside.
Chelsea Wolfe – “Iron Moon”
Chelsea Wolfe is a versatile artist who’s covered all kinds of stylistic ground, from hushed folk ballads to electronic weirdness and everything in between. Where she truly excels, however, is with the heavy stuff. Play this clip and imagine yourself being crushed to death under the 800-ton hydraulic press that David Letterman made famous many years ago.