According to a new Nielsen report, for the first time ever, hip-hop and R&B top rock as the dominant musical genre in America. Nielsen has tracked music patterns since 1992.

Well, I’ll tell you, I’m shocked…literally shocked. You mean to tell me there’s still such a thing called rock music?

Seriously though, all I hear on the radio is that hip-hop and R&B crappola, so how is it that rock actually has been holding on for this long? Where is it exactly? I mean, unless they consider Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran rock. Sorry, that blonde Q-tip and walleyed carrot are not rock. Tell you the truth, I don’t know what the hell they are – but that scrotum shriveling dreck they play ain’t rock… do you hear me now?

The final tally was hip-hop and R&B 25 per cent and rock 23 per cent. Jeebus mamaloocha, it was that close? And what’s with the two against one crap? Hip hop and R&B are two separate things. If you’re going to play by those rules, why not lump country in with rock? They’re similar enough – and about as equally godawful nowadays.

Ever since Kurt Cobain blew his head off, rock n roll has been dying a slow, tragic death. It tried to make a resurgence in the early 2000s with bands like The Strokes, The White Stripes, The Hives, The Vines, The Killers…you know, all of those ‘THE’ bands. Still, the slow creeping malaise continued. Then there were those atrocious emo bands…My Chemical Romance, Dashboard Confessional and the like – BLARGH! Soon after, it just croaked. There was no funeral. No one cared.

So, not a very impressive victory Hip hop…your opponent has been on the canvass for years. You were just kicking a dead horse — hope you’re proud! Too bad…because when he was alive – he could kick your goddamned ass out of the ring!

Eat this mofos!

About Author

I'm a writer/editor with a penchant for saddle shoes, pontification and fried pork rinds. Equal parts gadfly, cut-up, provocateur, philosopher, and silly-willy. My personal heroes include Reggie Jackson, Elvis Costello and Philip Roth.

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