onald J. Trump Jr. broke the law. His dad did too. I know, because I’m a lawyer.

I rarely make mention of my status as a (non-practicing) member of the New York Bar Association. Most of the people who talk about being lawyers when they aren’t practicing are kind of douchey. It’s sort of like, “Hey, I paid for this degree…and it will now serve me by supplying a close approximation of a personality!”

Why is today unlike all other days? Because the New York Times features the following gem that fell from Donald Jr.’s lips (or, more accurately, fingertips) on June 3, 2016:

“If it’s what you say I love it especially later in the summer.”

He could have been emailing about anything, right? That might have been a reply to, “Hey, Donny, want to go to the Poconos this summer?” Or it might have been a reply to, “Want to do blow off the tanned asses of hand-picked escorts for you and your brother?”

Either of those options wouldn’t have been catastrophic. Embarrassing, maybe, (who goes to the Poconos?) but not catastrophic.

Instead, Donald Jr.’s enthusiastic email was written in response to this statement from DJT’s Russian business associate:

“This is obviously very high level and sensitive information but is part of Russia and its government’s support for Mr. Trump.”

We have three big take-aways from this exchange:

  • Don Jr. has no awareness that this transmission’s opening line is the casual version of, “This is top secret, bitch!”
  • Don Jr. is a moron
  • Don Jr. may be a moron and as delusional as his dad…laws just don’t apply to the Trump Tribe or to presidential candidates (whaaaat??).

It doesn’t matter if you’ve gone to law school, practice law, or have even watched Law & Order; you’d have to be lobotomized not to know that the words “Russia” “government” “support” “sensitive” are GIANT RED FLAGS. Nonetheless, I’ve heard about Trump supporters who insist that HE DIDN’T KNOW is a solid defense to any wrongdoings on the part of DJT or his cavalcade of clowns. That’s isn’t how the law works. Ignorance of the law isn’t a defense. Let me repeat that:

Ignorance of the law is not a defense

Again, just watch a little Law and Order, or even Boston Legal and you’ll run across that little truth nugget within the third episode of whatever show you choose.

There is a bright side that we can examine, should we be in the business of looking for bright sides. Don Jr.’s major fuck-up not only gives Mueller and his team something really juicy to work with, it also provides the Z Review the opportunity to provide a crash course in what I like to call,

THE LAW STILL HOLDS UNTIL

THE LAST SUPREME COURT JUSTICE IS DRAGGED FROM HIS OR HER PLACE AT THE BENCH,

(and here are a few laws you should know)

In the event you find yourself at cocktail parties, dinners, or tailgate shindigs where you encounter the “it’s not his fault, he didn’t know the law” crowd, refer to the information below. It will leave your conversational partner confused and sputtering, affording you just enough time to snag that last chicken wing or glass of Chablis.  If you find yourself at many gatherings of this type, feel free to print and laminate the legal details below for distribution purposes.

CRIMINAL OFFENCES COMMITTED BY CAMP TRUMP (So Far):

  • TREASON

Definition – Whoever, owing allegiance to the United States, levies war against them or adheres to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort within the United States or elsewhere, is guilty of treason and shall suffer death, or shall be imprisoned not less than five years and fined under this title but not less than $10,000; and shall be incapable of holding any office under the United States. (emphases provided by author)

How Do I Know This Is True? – Get on your computer and look up “18 U.S. Code §2381”

How Can We Fix This Problem As Quickly As Possible? – Contrary to popular opinion, there is a silver bullet that would get The Orange Canker out of office and into jail post haste. It is called…A BILL OF ATTAINDER.  What the heck is that?

legislative act, directed against a designated person, pronouncing him guilty of an alleged crime, (usually treason,) without trial or conviction according to the recognized rules of procedure, and passing sentence of death and attainder upon him. “Bills of attainder,” as they are technically called, are such special acts of the legislature as inflict capital punishments upon persons supposed to be guilty of high offenses, such as treason and felony, without any conviction in the ordinary course of judicial proceedings. If an act inflicts a milder degree of punishment than death, it is called a “bill of pains and penalties,” but both are included in the prohibition in the Federal constitution.

How Does A Bill of Attainder Apply To Trump’s Situation? – In spite of the caterwauling and carrying on of Paul “no shoulders” Ryan and his ilk, Congress CAN make short work of our small, sticky fingered problem. Without any hullaballoo, Congress can say, “This guy is a total shit and is ruining our reputation as being –not-quite-shits”, and with the flourish of a well-chosen pen, put Trump in jail or kill him. I’m not advocating the killing; I’m just citing the law.

  • FRAUD
    1. Definition – Fraud consists of some deceitful practice or willful device, resorted to with intent to deprive another of his right, or in some manner to do him an injury.
    2. How Does This Apply? – Getting in bed with the Russian government to get dirt on Hillary with the intent to rob her of the election and award the highest office in the land to Cheeto McStubkins deprived Hillary of her right to run for office unmolested. It also denied the American people the opportunity to exercise its right to vote for its candidate of choice and have that chosen person govern them as President.

How Can We Address This ASAP? – Lots of ways! Here are some of the charges that fall under “fraud” that can easily be brought against McStumpkin today (but let’s wait for more lunacy to emerge)

  1. Collusion
  2. Corruption
  3. Deception

What Else Can Trump Be Charged With?

Organized Crime (Trumplandia’s efforts to acquire monetary gain, through positions in federal government, using deceit and involvement of numerous criminals meet just a few of the requirements for this take down.

That’s just to get the ball rolling.  There’s more to come!  Maybe a game entitled, “What Do Al Capone and Donald Trump Have In Common?”  Every answer would be, “wanted to get him on organized crime, but tax fraud worked just as well.”

I love games.  Apparently, the Trumps do too.

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Lawyer, literary agent, book packager, film producer, writer, New Yorker. Likes long walks on the beach and little dogs. Hates mean people and when the pharmacy runs out of Klonopin.

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