nlike most of the reviewers I’ve read around the internet, I wasn’t as impressed with Lynch’s BOB origin story, told in episode 8 of The Return. To me it wasn’t a ground breaking moment in television history, but merely an exercise in gross self-indulgence on the part of David Lynch. To be sure, it was nothing we haven’t seen from him already many…many times before. That being said, at least it was an engaging, well executed effort. Episode 9, on the other hand, was pretty much about as bad as Lynch can get. So bad, in fact, it could have very well been a subpar installment of the original series from the dreaded season two. That’s pretty lousy.

I understand that David probably wanted to take us all down a notch after, what he must have thought, was a dazzler of a show in number eight. This, however, was not a notch…it was a car-wreck – in painfully slooooowwwwwww motion. I’ve already resigned myself to the tortoise on Secanol sluggishness of the series’ pace, but if you’re going to draw it out – you’ve got to make it interesting! Last night’s debacle was just a whole lot of rehash and blather. Yes, we know Agent Briggs’s body is one of a man in his forties, it’s pretty clear that he didn’t age because he was in another realm…you didn’t need to remind us for the 15th time.

Episode 9 failed on all fronts. From its tiresome ‘Season 2-level’ attempt at quirky humor, to its hamfisted and dull unfolding of events…such as they were. It was actually more like a bunch of stuff Lynch needed to get out there so that we’re all caught up with the plot thus far. Due diligence, I suppose. It’s the major drawback of writing crap that’s about as convoluted as Raymond Chandler on mescalin.

So what did we actually find out in the latest installment? Doppelganger Coop is still alive…well, we knew that. There are two Coops…we knew that too. Dougie has no past…yeah…again…duh! We also know that Lynch is hellbent on making us endure those soporific show-ending musical performances.

(un) Noteworthy notables:

  • Real Coop/Dougie is still monosyllabic – yawn.
  • Agent Briggs was a mystical dude, with strange powers – oh yeah…we knew that too.
  • Some unkempt chick at a bar got fired at her job selling hamburgers…but don’t worry, she got another job…selling hamburgers. And she has a nasty rash under arm.
  • Agent Rosenfeld got all flirty with the forensic specialist lady in the morgue.
  • Andy and Lucy went online shopping for a chair.
  • Jerry Horne is still incredibly stoned…and afraid of his foot.

Yes it was literally a shit-show. However, there were two tidbits that are actually interesting. We find out that Diane is texting with Doppelganger Coop, and Real Coop’s fingerprints were lifted by the police department and will be sent to the FBI. So presumably, Gordon and co, will find out that there are indeed two Coops…like we’ve all known for the past 25 years.

All in all, episode 9 commits the worst sin a limited series can commit – it was boring as hell. I truly hope something of significance happens in the next installment, because at this point I’m too committed to bail…but I don’t want to suffer either.

5.0 Tiresome

All in all, episode 9 commits the worst sin a limited series can commit – it was boring as hell.

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Lives in Manhattan around the corner from a diner which serves poisonous tuna melts and adequate java. My dissections, commentaries, and occasional rantings have been published by a wide range of online sites, pulpy outposts, and fugitive rags.

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