esterday, I was delighted to find that some good soul had created a “Rogue First Lady” Twitter account ( It offers musings from counterfeit Melania in a mangled, Boris & Natasha bastardization of English. One such tweet, from July 4th, reads as follows:

“Every time he hear boom of firework, The Donald pee a little in man panty. He no like this. #manpanties”

Unable to keep this wonderful discovery to myself, I posted the link to my Facebook page, right then and there from the toilet. The overwhelming majority of the respondents saw it as the good bit of fun that it was, but to one commenter, it constituted an unforgivable lapse in judgment.

“How does lauding and sharing a fake Twitter account fight against these people?” the commenter enquired. “Sitting around pretending like Melania is a cute, funny joke is the exact opposite of making progress.”

This response was not an aberration. This has happened to me numerous times since Trump was sworn in. By focusing on whatever it is that I’m finding amusing, the argument goes, I’m being distracted from Trump’s systematic destruction of our nation. I’m “normalizing” him.

I’m not sure what the distraction-averse liberal scold wants me to do when Trump thinks Frederick Douglass is still alive, or what I should do when he tweets out a word like “covfefe.” But apparently, calling attention to it for a few laughs means I’m enabling a white nationalist. That’s what these myopic assholes seem to believe anyway.

If you are such a person, and you find yourself in the habit of telling your liberal friends “ignore Trump outrage A, because it’s distracting you from Trump outrage B,” let me do you a solid and lay some truth on you. It makes you seem like a petty tyrant who monitors people’s thoughts. It makes you a living embodiment of the snide progressive stereotype that’s hated across the country, to say nothing of the fact that it will flip not one senate seat, nor change one vote.

The Trump presidency is a shitty situation, and everyone who opposes it has to figure out what they need to do to get through it. But if your response to Trump is to tell other people how to respond to Trump, I can tell you right now that you’re not helping. You’re being an irritatant, the social media equivalent of a fruit fly. And the best thing that could happen to you is to be smashed into paste.

So please, find some other way to recreate yourself. I have phony first lady retweets to send out.

About Author

Daniel Bukszpan is a freelance writer with over 20 years' experience. He has written for such publications as Fortune, CNBC and The Daily Beast. He is the author of “The Encyclopedia of Heavy Metal,” published in 2003 by Barnes and Noble and “The Encyclopedia of New Wave,” published in 2012 by Sterling Publishing.

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