We here at The Z Review are a diverse bunch, but one thing we all have in common is our penchant for pontification. Basically, we’re a collective of opinionated loudmouths and we’re all perfectly fine with that. So, to indulge this common need to bloviate, every week or so we will allow ourselves free reign to share our thoughts on a question suggested by you…our devoted and loving audience.
Is the United Stated headed towards a nuclear war with North Korea?
We start off the proceedings with The Z Review’s head honcho, big Kahuna and Editor-in-Chief , the lovely, talented and still aggressively British…Paul Dettman.
No. As very many people who work in our media are too young to recall any of the 1980s, much less any earlier decades, they should be forgiven for their hyperactivity on this. North Korea couldn’t hit a planet from 10 miles out with their current crop of missiles. This is for two reasons: (1) they can’t aim and (2) they can’t reach. And they can’t protect the payload during re-entry. So until hell freezes over, the one thing we can guarantee is that there will be no nuclear war.
As a very wise man once said, the only reason we have nuclear weapons is so that we don’t have to use them. If we didn’t have any, we would virtually be forced to use them. So this is the best alternative. We should be sleeping soundly knowing that we not only possess the best weapons available, but we invented them. If you want to get worried about something that could actually happen, you should be looking at Syria. And that something is a conventional proxy war between America and Russia. It’s a long time since we had one of those. Time to bulk-buy the popcorn.
Z Staff Writer — Daniel Bukzspan
I think war with North Korea is highly unlikely. This is not to say that Emperor Shit For Brains wouldn’t be down for it. I just don’t think North Korea has the capability to do anything in such a scenario, except get completely vaporized, and see South Korea become just “Korea.” North Korea has been a popular thing to worry about ever since 2002, when the Bush administration called them part of the “Axis of Evil,” along with Iraq and Iran. All three of those cases have been a huge bust for those with a hard-on for war. Only Iraq had anything to show for it, but that was less for people who love war than something for people who love occupation.
Z Staff Writer/Lifestyle Editor — Jessica Dorfman Jones
hate this question, if for no other reason that it’s not the query of a fantasist nor a conspiracy theorist. Sigh.
As with most things during this era of Trumpian dystopia, I’m forced to say, “How the FUCK should I know?” When everything hinges on the actions of the unhinged, I firmly believe that there is no projectable answer.
I can reveal my hopes and dreams (world peace and a pony) or worst fears (death or a second term for Cheeto McDouchenberry), but that doesn’t add up to much. All I can do is try to project myself into the rotting melon that is Trump’s head and guess what he’s thinking. That’s a question for The Amazing Kreskin, not for me. God willing, I will never lose my marbles sufficiently to be able to second guess Donald Gump.
Let’s just hope that the nuclear codes he’s been given are really the phone numbers and addresses of local Papa John’s.
As for Kim Jong Un….well, he’s more predictably evil. But he’s also afraid, in some hard to decipher way, of the U.S. He sent Otto home to die on American soil, which is the political prisoner version of, “What? Me? I didn’t do anything!” That says, to me, that KJU isn’t quite ready for prime time.
I also think that KJU knows that if he picks a fight (even before a single missile is fired), we have a lunatic in charge who can probably out-crazy him any day of the week. That can be an unnerving situation, even for a despot who’s so over the top it looks like he might be taking cues from his favorite James Bond villains.
I think it’s a game of chicken between to schmucks who are playing at being world leaders.
I DO think that Kim Jong Un has a few sharks with lasers on their heads at the ready. But that’s a thought for another day.
Z Review Contributor — Crystal C Durant
I think about this daily, especially when I’m at home watching TV and a SPECIAL REPORT interrupts me while I’m watching “The Chew” or Steve Harvey.
Anyway, I think it could happen because Drumph is such a fucking idiot – but I’m hoping that his handlers are working hard to prevent it. I mean, why would they want the country to be decimated over a pissing contest between two mental patients? Is it REALLY worth it? I don’t think so, but who knows, they’re like a KKK version of Hydra down there.
Assholes, the lot of ’em.
Z Staff Writer/Editor for New York Office — Olivier Doinel
Well, first off you’ve got a completely narcissistic, evil, lying, lunatic child who can launch ICBMs…and then you’ve got Kim Jong Un. I’m guessing Russia and China won’t let it happen. So, in the end it’ll be just be another instance of President Sunkist expelling a lot of gas with no dump. He talks a big game but he’s clueless and ceding the responsibility to China. I’ll bet you all the generals are thinking about it though. But we have no other option than to accept them as a nuclear power…I mean aside from entering into a shooting war that would kill millions. Could it possibly happen? With the talking yam in office, anything’s possible. Still, it’s not damned likely.
Z Staff Writer — Reuben Levy
It won’t happen, because Russia is pulling Trump’s strings and they doesn’t want to be up close and personal with the mushroom cloud. I also don’t think Trump has much interest in doing anything other than standing before adoring crowds and farting from his mouth…that and troll on his Twitter. More than anything, the guy is a do-nothing. It’s too much work to strategize over North Korea, he’ll leave it to the Chinese while he orders in Chinese and hate watches CNN. The United States, along with the rest of the world are just going to have to get used to having North Korea as a nuclear power.