As I make my way through the streets, subways, restaurants, and bars of New York I listen to everyone. I even lean in. And then, of course, I write it all down. This column is a faithful record of New York sass. Enjoy the one-offs of people I don’t know but managed to be around at their funniest moment, intended or otherwise.
“No one can talk that way unless they have crystal meth in them. I just mean the physical requirement.
— Lecture attendees outside the 92nd Street Y
“Sorry it’s Godiva. I know it’s the New Jersey of chocolates.”
— Guy to wife or girlfriend in Grand Central Station
“He gets to come back if he passes the clitmus test.”
— Drunk 30-something, late night at Niagara
When I said, “you complete me”, I meant you complete my neurosis.”
— 50-something woman to 60-something man, 88th Street and First Avenue
“I love tater tots. Let me put it in terms you can understand. It’s like a potato wearing Fendi shoes.”
— Woman to friend at Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
“Jake Ryan ruined men for me. He was perfect. I felt it them, but now I know why. That’s the wisdom of age for you.”
— Adamant Gen-X woman at Dorrian’s, East 84th Street