As I make my way through the streets, subways, restaurants, and bars of New York I listen to everyone.  I even lean in.  And then, of course, I write it all down. This column is a faithful record of New York sass.  Enjoy the one-offs of people I don’t know but managed to be around at their funniest moment, intended or otherwise.

Today’s Top:

“No one can talk that way unless they have crystal meth in them. I just mean the physical requirement.

Lecture attendees outside the 92nd Street Y

“Sorry it’s Godiva.  I know it’s the New Jersey of chocolates.”

— Guy to wife or girlfriend in Grand Central Station

“He gets to come back if he passes the clitmus test.”

— Drunk 30-something, late night at Niagara

When I said, “you complete me”, I meant you complete my neurosis.”

— 50-something woman to 60-something man, 88th Street and First Avenue

“I love tater tots.  Let me put it in terms you can understand. It’s like a potato wearing Fendi shoes.”

— Woman to friend at Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

“Jake Ryan ruined men for me. He was perfect. I felt it them, but now I know why. That’s the wisdom of age for you.”

— Adamant Gen-X woman at Dorrian’s, East 84th Street

About Author

Lawyer, literary agent, book packager, film producer, writer, New Yorker. Likes long walks on the beach and little dogs. Hates mean people and when the pharmacy runs out of Klonopin.

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