Loyal readers of The Z Review may have noticed that our editorial stance is not at all times charitable towards the 45th president of the United States, one Donald J. Trump. For example, one staff writer from this publication has been known to refer to him as “the world’s biggest douchebag” and “Emperor Shit For Brains.”
True, we do not play our editorial cards close to the chest, but one thing is certain – if more people read our publication, it will be easier for us to create the impression that we deserve advertising revenue. This means that we cannot afford to chase away any potential readers, even those who are still in the president’s corner.
In the interest of equal time, we have created some counterprogramming to our recurring “Rage Against The Trump” playlist feature. Where those playlists feature songs that are ideal for fighting the man, the Trump Playlist Rebuttal provides our Trump-supporting readers with tunes ideal for browsing Info Wars and courting Type II Diabetes with constant intake of Big Gulps.
Carnivore – “U.S.A. For U.S.A.”
The year was 1987, and Brooklyn’s Carnivore, led by 7-foot-tall sanitation worker Peter Steele, were popping out hate-filled, jingoistic anthems with the speed and frequency of an automatic tennis ball launcher. While many of their songs, such as “Race War” and “Male Supremacy,” would have fit the bill for this list, we choose “U.S.A. for U.S.A.” for its thoughtful lyrics and winning melody. Indeed, you can almost hear a few notes of “Ebb Tide” in the guitar solo.
Madonna – “Papa Don’t Preach”
“Papa Don’t Preach” depicts a young woman of limited means who gets knocked up and decides to have the baby anyway, a development that no doubt made the zombie-like evangelicals who supported Trump overjoyed. In real life, Madonna’s probably had at least 40 abortions, and she probably demanded that balloons and confetti be dropped from the ceiling every time she underwent a dilation and extraction procedure, ut we’ll look the other way for the purposes of this playlist.
Toby Keith – “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue (The Angry American)”
When it comes to pop country that encapsulates the paranoid mindset of post-9/11 America, it’s hard to beat Toby Keith. Since we as a nation have apparently chosen to adopt a posture of looking for ISIS terrorists under our beds, what better soundtrack could there be than this screed in support of a war that dismantled exactly zero (0) terrorist networks and is still going on to this day?
Bad Brains – “Don’t Blow Bubbles”
In 1989, the Bad Brains wrote “Don’t Blow Bubbles,” a virulently homophobic song which advised gays to ask Jah to make them heterosexual so they wouldn’t die of AIDS. Really! It’s in the lyric sheet and everything! We believe that The Donald’s oft-tweeted belief that vaccines cause autism is as scientifically sound as the contention that homosexuality causes AIDS, and we hope that one day the leader of the free world can find the time to fire off a 3am tweet to that effect.
Little Jimmy Dickens – “Family Reunion”
The late Little Jimmy Dickens was one of the crown jewels of the Grand Ole Opry’s lineup. He had a great singing voice and a healthy sense of humor about his diminutive stature. He also sang the song “Family Reunion,” which features a section in which he sings about having a crush on his cousin.
This is not in any way a salacious intimation that the talking yam ever had incestuous thoughts towards a family member…like perhaps his daughter…that is a disgusting, perverted insinuation and we at the Z Review will not stand for it.